Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 8 June 2011

image for Isle of Wight News - All The Fun of the Unfair
Ventnor Zoo's Float three years ago depicted a duck and a penguin

With the Isle of Wight Festival gathering all of the headlines at the moment, the Ventnor Carnival and Funfair has failed to hit the spotlight yet again.

"We've had a carnival and funfair every year for the past three hundred and ninety two years," said carnival organised, Juniper Berry. "Every year, we get eclipsed by this dratted music festival. So what if they have the Foo Fighters, Scouting for Girls and Lady Googoo? We've got the Waltzers, the island's biggest bouncy castle and five trucks with local companies on this year! Beat that music lovers!"

Such is the lack of visibility for Ventnor's carnival, it has become dubbed the Ventnor Unfair.

"You could say," said Berry with a forced jovial chuckle, "We put the unfair in funfair."

In an effort to attract a little interest in this year's carnival, the organisers have persuaded Ventnor Zoo to send a float.

"This will be mutually beneficial," said Berry. "It's good advertising for the zoo, and the wild tigers and giraffes on the back of a flat-bed truck should bring the punters in."

Also putting in a float will be the Ventnor Gnome Garden, who enter every year with a different theme. This year's theme is the Isle of Wight Music Festival, with the gnomes all parading in the style of the music festival's big acts writ in small concrete figurines.

"It's going to be brilliant," said Berry. "If anybody comes and looks."

One local Ventnor resident, Callie Flower, will be going to the Music Festival instead, as she does every year.

"I have a good suggestion for getting more people to come," she said. "Hold it after the music festival's finished. Duh."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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