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Wednesday, 8 June 2011

image for Cameron launches New Tory Party
Cameron's titannic plan

David Cameron has launched the New Tory Party which has taken over from the old discredited one - as assessed by the Daily Mail and the Murdoch empire. From now on Law'n Order will be a top priority.

With a tough policy thousands more layabouts and extremist radicals will be sent to prison. The savings from the welfare bill will pay for the prison places as Job Centres will be converted into penal institutes to be staffed by students on gap years.

'Although this is a pretty radical and extreme policy' explained Cameron in a Press Conference in Strangeways prison 'our radical extremism gets to the heart of problems rather than the root of them.'

Another policy for a overhaul is the NHS.

'When I agreed with Lansbury' said Cameron referring to his Health Secretary 'that we needed to privatise the Health Service I thought he had the gumption to be able to do this without anyone noticing. Now doctors and nurses have done a diagnosis and seen the old Tory policy for what it was. So now the new radical proposal is to establish a stronger Health Service in the tradition of the Socialist Government which set it up after the War.

'Everyone knows how we have backed this policy faithfully only to be let down by one our number, Tony Blair, who brought in a stronger private health sector. Payment for our Health proposals is to be funded by a tax on pensions as old fogies are the ones using the Health Service more than anyone else.'

We shall have to see if Cameron has steered the Tory ship to less troubled waters by this titanic exercise.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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