Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 7 June 2011

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Die Cucumber (this is German for The Cucumber)

The British tourist board have finally issued a warning to all holiday makers heading for Europe in the next few weeks, especially those thinking of journeying to the Rhine Valley, a tour of the war memorials or a city break to a broken city.

"Basically," said Vic O'Shaun, head of customer liaisons at the tourist board of Great Britain, "we're talking about Germany."

The lack of coherent information coming out of Germany is a cause for concern for travellers, and O'Shaun wants to help reassure upcoming visitors.

"The health authorities in Germany don't actually know what is causing the outbreak of E-Coli," said O'Shaun. "First it was cucumbers, then bean-sprouts, then cabbage. Our advice to visitors to German is to just eat sausage and drink beer."

Most travellers from the UK to Germany plan on doing exactly that.

"It's what I did last time," said seasoned traveller, Dietricht Von Klaptrapp of Wigan. "It's what I'll do next time too. You're safe with beer. And sausages. Always have been, always will be. The way they make them kills anything organic."

O'Shaun has more sage advice for the vegetarian traveller to Germany.

"If you're a vegetarian," said O'Shaun, "then why are you going to Germany? There's nothing for you there. Stay at home and go to Brighton. There's a lovely vegetarian restaurant there. And no German cucumbers, bean sprouts or coleslaw. There all from Austria and Spain. We don't grow anything in the UK any more."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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