Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Tuesday, 7 June 2011

image for Queen's 'Royal Wave' to be phased out
The Queen with her new stick.

The Queen's famous royal wave is to be phased out. The announcement from Buckingham Palace by royal spokesman Sir Henry Brunzeln yesterday follows reports that the eighty-five year old Queen had found the chore particularly tiring when attending last Saturday's Epsom Derby meeting at the Surrey racetrack.

Sir Henry pointed out when announcing the decision that the Queen had waved to well wishers on at least a dozen occasions during her visit to the racetrack last Saturday but had become so exhausted by the twelfth occasion that after raising her arm to the height of her nose she'd then been able to wave it just once to her subjects before the hand simply collapsed back down into her lap.

As a precaution paramedics were called to attend though Sir Peter stressed that the offending hand has now recovered.

Fortunately after gently removing the royal glove from the exhausted hand, and exposing it's bare flesh to some fresh air by allowing it to dangle over a railing of the royal box for a few minutes, circulation in the old veins was soon restored bringing relief to the tired old hand of the tiresome old Queen.

Sir Peter stressed the Queen felt sufficiently recovered to be able to watch her horse Carlton House flop in the afternoon's big race, The Derby. After the race she agreed to take the advice of doctors not to use the hand for any more waving that afternoon.

It is clear that at eighty-five years of age the Queen's hands can no longer manage the amount of waving a younger person's hands can. One controversial alternative being considered for the future is that the Queen, and indeed any of the other members of the royal family, could carry a glove on a stick around with them to be waved at well wishers instead of a real hand. However, discussions are still ongoing and a final decision has still to be made.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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