Written by ExiledRoyal
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Saturday, 4 June 2011

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Bolton kerb crawlers captured by passer-by

Police have arrested 82 people in Bolton over street prostitution in the past year, as part of a crackdown on kerb-crawling in the town. A total of 213 men have been arrested for kerb crawling and 191 have attended "kerb crawler awareness sessions" where they are forced to read residents' letters about the effect of prostitution.

One man, giving his name as 'Japeye' tells us, "I was parked up in one of the back streets when a scantily dressed woman, (who was wearing far too much make up) approached my car and said, 'Hi there. Are you after a bit of company?'

Japeye continues. I said, "Don't be ridiculous! I'm here looking for prostitutes... What the fuck would I want to buy some shares for?"

One important part of the cleanup is the 'Kerb Crawling Awareness Course', but it has backfired spectacularly.

Japeye tells us, "First off, we're given a list of streets and other dogging sites, which comes in handy. Also, I found out that my sister is working on a street nearby, so now I can get family discount."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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