Following weeks of speculation from literally tens of people, Irish mechanic Sheamus Obama reports that he has finally fixed US presidential protection party vehicle "The Beastie Boy" after taking it to pieces with a toothpick and barrel of Guinness.
The anti-terrorist pimp vehicle was taken to Sheamus after being grounded on a minor speed hump in the land of rainbows and little green men and US Insurers ProfitRUs stated that they would have to write off the vehicle if it returned to the US with the scratches that were caused.
The American Ambassador for Ireland recommended Mr Obama to Mr Obama after hearing of the plight for the modified limo and a deal was struck to have it repaired by the next election.
The cause for the excess weight was found to be none other than The Spoof writer and all round good guy Whitters, who was wearing a turban, long gowns and was covered head to toe in shoe polish. Additional speculation by up to 6 people wanted to know where Whitters had gone back in November 2010 when he was last seen boarding a plane to Pakistan in the company of two men in black suits and shades; something denied by the a spokesman at the time.
Whitters was found to be breathing and generally of good health although he had developed a skill of speaking Arabic and was repeating what can only be translated as "Seal Team 6 Tried To Kill Me".
The presidential limo was sent back to Washington with a scratch free body and fragrant smelly thing hanging from the rear view mirror.