Written by j.w.
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Sunday, 29 May 2011

Carlton Cole, famous West Ham striker has been sent packing by X Factor because his team, West Ham United, have been relegated to the Championship.

West Ham fans were visibly distressed staggering up the Boleyn Road on Saturday night as they heard the news. 'Haven't we suffered enough?' cried one 'first we are relegated, now we are humiliated. Carlton had his moments last season - three of them - and it is hard on him to be turfed out.'

Representatives for Cole were quick to make it clear that he would be leaving the Hammers when the right offer came in. In the meantime, they argue, X Factor should have waited. 'Carlton knows all about Hits and Misses - just because West Ham have gone down doesn't mean he can't contribute effectively to X Factor.'

However a representative from X Factor told a crowd of West Ham fans that he had nothing against their club but he had to remember the X Factor's image. 'We represent winners not losers' he said bluntly 'and Carlton was on the losing side twenty five times too often.'

West Ham executive Karren Brady has offered to take Carlton's place on the X Factor show.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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