Written by Inhopeless
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Saturday, 28 May 2011

(Published 2028) BIRMINGHAM CAPITALIS - The new government - only a week old - has decided to privatise everything, except education and health.

The Conglomeracy Party - a party by transnationals, for transnationals - achieved a near 2:1 win over the Socialists/Social Democrats, who have been in power since the late 10s.

All of the services currently provided by local municipalities and central government have been privatised, with no loss of jobs, by the Conglos.

However, health and education still remain the only things under state control.

"The decision was simple," said a spokesman for the Conglos, speaking from the capital, Birmingham, "it's all about money. If we have a healthier, longer-living populace, then we - the companies - get more money, because of this. Also, it will boost the pharmaceutical and medical industries. Also, a better-educated and more learned populace means that more people get higher-paid jobs. More people in those jobs equals more disposable income. And we gain from that too."

"Also," he continued. "The only things still under government control are the emergency services as well, so we can divert funds that were meant for other government services into the NHS, education, and emergency services. Everyone wins."

The Conglos have also committed themselves to the First Ten Days - similar to that of Roosevelt's 100 Days - where several metric tons of new reforms were passed.

One of which is the Halalism Act.

The Halalism Act will ensure that at least the chicken and chicken-based dishes are prepared in a 'Halal' way.

"This may seem to be religious pandering," said the MP for Birmingham-Ladywood [CONG], "but it makes sense. Out of 89mn people, nearly 20mn are practicing Muslims. Losing out on 20mn wallets is a serious dent. The Halalism Act, will impose a 2000 credi-$ fine if a suitable reason cannot be produced. The only caf├ęs and restaurants exempt are those that are deep within countryside, however tourist attractions and motorway service stations are not exempt."

However, some people are not at all happy with the Ten Days Reforms.

"They don't have a figurehead!" said Bob Hope, "The Socialists had Inhopeless as PM, whereas the Conglos have a bunch of company logos from Sony and ASDA and them lot."

The Conglomeracy Party have responded and have put the Linux Penguin as their official leader of government.

"If you have any questions, Pengy will be able to answer them through our Facebook page, courtesy of our Office of National Statistics provider, Facebook."

As of press time, the Spoof.com - the nation's Office of Communications provider - enforced a nationwide fibre-optic cable rigging because 'our fricking stories won't load fast enough'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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