Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 27 May 2011

image for Queen's knickers and other royal items 'missing' after Obama Palace stay!
Like this....but tailored to fit a 60inch wide arse

London - Someone rifled through HM's drawers and made off with dozens of pairs of Bridget Jones-style undies, a Palace footman revealed today.

Also missing from the royal inventory are two dozen George III silver teaspoons, an Ormolu candelabra in the style of Pierre-Philippe Thomire and a bejewelled lavatory seat from the Belgian Suite's composting loo.

Towelling bathrobes, hotel-style shampoo bottles, silver-plated beer coasters and monogrammed be-crested Buckingham Palace linen have also vanished since the Obamas' departure.

"We can't say for sure who's made off with the booty," Palace Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon commented.

"Maybe one of the security service honchos with a penchant for Waist 44 ladies undies is to blame."

Fortunately the Queen has dozens more pairs of her favorite Victoria's Secret briefs, some tagged with thief-proof SAT-NAV-aided tracers.

"It's probably that kleptomaniac Camilla once again," a US embassy source commented.

"About time they locked her up and threw away the key!"

The Duchess of York is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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