Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 26 May 2011

image for Michelle ditches wedding ring for massive emerald knuckleduster
No signs of any marital dust-up despite a very public message

London - "It's often the sign of a disreputable neighborhood," security sources warned today, "when a woman feels the need to arm herself with such a large chunk of hardware!"

At the American ambassador's residence in Regent's Park last night First Lady Michelle Obama wowed her guests with some very serious bling.

A 100-carat diamond necklace and matching elegant bracelet were all the more dazzling for the want of her usual wedding band.

Instead the index finger of her left hand was weighted down with a 10-carat emerald whopper mounted in tungsten-reinforced platinum.

The showstopping knuckleduster was the talk of the evening as assembled guests weighed in on the 'guess-who-wears-the-trousers' photo-op.

"Maybe there's a secret compartment behind that massive green rock," soiree invitee Harvey Gruntenfocher commented, "hiding a vile (sic) of hemlock or Plutonium-210!"

Others reckoned she'd probably pumped her UK security minder for any Arnold Schwarzenegger-style matrimonial files her host country might hold on husband Barack.

"Of course, the CIA would never - on pain of death - reveal the Commander-in-Chief's illicit shaggings," Gruntenfocher added.

"Whoever's tipped Michelle the wink probably did it from sheer patriotism."

Maria Shriver is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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