Cries of 'Shame', 'Scandal', 'Wanker' and even worse reverberated around Parliament today after Speaker John Bercow revealed to a shocked House that Suri Cruise had out bid his wife, Sally, for the coveted hat worn by Princess Beatrice at the Royal Wedding!
The chapeau, which finally brought $131,000 discounted American Dollars, worth about
$1500 since President Obama put 2 million Israeli Millinery workers out on the street after moving the country's borders back to 1947, finally closed on eBay with the winning bid by it's new owner who immediately slapped a 'Super Injunction" on the details of the sale.
An obviously distressed Bercow blamed the revelation on the intolerable brow beating from his wife, who was photographed jumping out of a cake wearing only a sheet at an EU Budget Hearing, who he said 'was royally pissed' when he wouldn't go past his $130,989. bid...
'anything more would have aroused the suspicions of the Expense Ministers," he said sadly!
A spokesman for the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise Scientology Foundation said they had no comment on the 'rumours and innuendo's', and Suri herself was said to have been whisked off to 'boot camp' somewhere in the foothills of Big Sur.
A body guard for the almost 5 year old child, was persuaded to talk after a few Benjamin's crossed palms and after he confessed he had been offered a better job by the Kardashian Foundation and was planning to leave anyway. "Being a nanny for three juveniles is getting old, 'he said, 'tits 'n arse is more my thing!"
The 'minder' said that the Precocious Suri, who is not known to walk anywhere, nor speak for herself, was determined to have what the Media had dubbed 'the toilet seat hat', but what she called 'my potty chair hat!"
With a $2million dollar wardrobe , a garage full of exotic cars and a 7500 square foot stone playhouse built by an imported Irish mason named 'Fergus', Suri usually gets what she wants.
"The bidding was pretty intense, ' said the source, "by the end Katie was almost in tears and Suri was having a bloody tantrum thinking they were going to lose the bid, but then Tom stepped up to the plate and committed to doing another 'Top Gun' spin off , only this time going back to WWI where he and The Red Baron, played by Jack Nicholson, square off over Flanders Field!"
No news yet if Al Gore will reprise his dual role as Herman Goering AND a Flak Balloon.
More after Suri Gets Her Hat and probably takes a dump innit!