Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 25 May 2011

image for Michael Owen announces he has taken out a super injunction
Michael Owen's favourite colour is red. Ooops. The cat's out of the bag now.

Former England striker, Michael Owen, has announced that he has taken out a super injunction.

The diminutive Scouser, who is still at Manchester United despite rumours to the contrary, has not said what the super injunction is over.

"Yeah," he said at a press interview. "It's true, I've taken out a super injunction, but I can't tell you what it's over cos that would mean it was a pointless waste of money and me missus says I'm not to do that since the ivory golf clubs fiasco. I didn't know ivory's not strong enough for golf clubs, or elephants are extinct, did I?"

Alex Ferguson is keeping a close eye on the press to make sure that any that ask any of hiss players about super injunctions, any woman called Imogen or whether he paints his nose red, is taken out the back and shot.

Through an interpreter, Sir Alex, gave his side of the story. "Just because a player has a super injunction doesn't mean it's worth reporting on."

Given that there is a long list of football players with outstanding super injunctions, including at least eight of Owen's team-mates, one cynical reporter doesn't believe that Owen has taken out his super injunction over anything in particular.

"He's probably trying to stop the press from revealing he has bought his wife a Mini Cooper for her birthday," said Malcolm Talcum of the Daily Stun. "Owen's just not interesting enough to have done anything naughty. He's the Steve Davis of football. He'll have taken one out because everybody else has."

Owen was adamant that he had a very real super injunction taken out. "I am naughty," he said, stamping both his feet before checking he hadn't damaged the flooring. "I stayed up until half past ten last night. Don't tell the gaffer! He'd be so mad. Perhaps I need another super injunction."

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