Written by j.w.
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Topics: marmite

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

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Are Marmite sales behind Volcanic Eruptions?

Danish sales of Marmite have nosedived due to the Government forbidding the import of Marmite as a 'harmful food'. But a growing body of opinion is suggesting that the volcanic eruptions in Iceland and the resultant ash clouds are the result of the Danish action.

We have been given access to the research of Prof Marmaduke, one of the members of the Marmite aristocracy, who has measured the impact of a reduction in Marmite sales against the vibrations that have caused the Icelandic eruprtions. They match exactly! For every 5% fall in Marmite sales in Denmark there is an increase in 5% in the risk of Icelandic eruptions.

'Now we have the position' says Prof Marmaduke 'where a further decrease in Marmite sales will assuredly cause further disasters.' Although further research is needed to confim Marmaduke's astonishing claims it does explain the ash clouds over Europe.

The Great Dane Sandy Toothpick spoke up for Denmark by explaining that 'Marmite no only looks like shit, it tastes like shit as well.' Few have wanted to test this assertion so the uncertainty of air travel continues.

A fear of Marmite wars which could result in world destruction is mounting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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