A huge dense ash cloud is heading for the UK. The cloud is on its way from Iceland where volcanoes continue to erupt.
People are asked to keep all children and pets indoors until given the 'all clear'. They are also being advised to bring in all washing hanging out to dry and to cover vegetable gardens and fruit trees until the cloud has passed over completely.
Anyone being fortunate enough to own an outdoor swimming pool, or even fish ponds, are advised to cover them in heavy plastic to avoid them turning into muddy pools as the ash descends.
This cloud is expected to affect television and radio signals. It will also affect microwave signals of all types. People in the UK can, therefore, expect t.v., microwave ovens, mobile phones and wireless computers to experience major problems.
UK residents who enjoy 'gaming' should get out the scrabble and monopoly boards and jig-saw puzzles in order to avoid withdrawal symptoms should they not be able to use their wii's etc.
It is advised that young children, too young to play Scrabble etc., should be sedated for the duration of cloud coverage in order to prevent self-injury caused by tantrums resulting from being unable to play their electronic games.
All residents are advised to stay indoors apart from in emergencies and, when going outdoors they are advised to wear dust masks and goggles. Tying a string to your waist and to your residence will help you find your way home if the cloud inhibits visibility.
All flights in and out of UK have been cancelled, as have the flights in and out of Iceland itself.
A state of emergency has been declared and the Army is on full alert.
The Air Force and Navy, for obvious reasons, is unable to help at this time. However, Boy Scouts around the UK ARE PREPARED!