Hippies and smug food fascists everywhere began celebrating National Vegetarian Week today. I caught up with a vegetarian festival being held in Islington, London and was just in time to see the sponsored Gloat-a-thon. Many people were promising to give up meat for a week, but as most of those involved were already vegetarian, there doesn't seem much point.
Spokesman Lee Feater said, "It's so wonderful that we can all come together and have a great time without harming any animals. Did you know that every time you eat meat, somewhere an animal dies? It's true. We're just chilling out, having a great time, drinking our meat-free, protein-free, flavour-free lentil stew and relaxing with our vitamin supplements."
"We'd like to spread the word that meat is bad. Because eating too much meat can kill you. If you lived off nothing but meat, you would die of malnutrition within a year! Did you know that? So the only sensible response is to become vegetarian."
"It's a natural diet. Did you know that stone age man used to live off nothing but tofu?"