A total news black out has been imposed on football after an unprecedented upsurge of scandals involving XXXXXXX out of wedlock, and charges of XXXXX whilst otherwise engaged in marriage, according to XXXXX, a now discredited reporter.
"It's worse than the Blitz," said confused limey reporter Harold XXXX, who makes his somewhat spotty living reporting on the foibles of his favourite team XXXXXX, located in XXXXX, "it's LIGHT'S OUT EVERYWHERE on the Dirty XXXs!"
Tabloids now report circulation is down throughout Great Britain, "I don't know how we can survive," said Media Mogul XXXXX who has made his fortune reporting on XXXX, not to mention disgusting XXXXX involving a number of XXXXX players engaged in unprotected
Editorial staffers held an emergency meeting at the New Oasis Bar & Grill, whose location can not be revealed as fears continue to rise that even harmless satire may soon be placed under a SUPER INJUNCTION and the pub, where it is rumoured members indulge in XXXXX whilst XXXXX behind a shed in the garden and even on the picnic table under the GAZEBO may be forced to close....for the fifth time!
"The OBG is the last bastion where free speech is not sanctioned," said Manager P.M. Wortham, "no matter how vile, long winded, illiterate, or commatose, all writers are permitted to join, as long as they pass muster with Father DuBois who represents
the XXXXX faith and is responsible for maintaing the Peace.
"And don't forget, the XXXXXs have to pay their bar tab at the end of every week," said
night shift bar keep XXXXX who was forced to shield his true identity by pulling his hat down over his ears,' we don't abide deadbeats here, this isn't a Fooking Parliamentary Keeping house where one can spend expense money claiming medicinal treatment!"
Meanwhile in Ireland, plans are coming together as 1% of the country's Black Irish prepare to welcome US President Barack O'Bama as he makes a quick pass through Ireland before heading to London where he is expected to meet XXXXXX to discuss deteriorating world financial conditions with XXXXXX and demand that UK borders be moved back to the year 1066 reflecting the Norman Conquest.
A spokesman for the Queens said, "That XXXX XXXX, can go XXXX in his XXXX, and take his
XXXX with him...we're not going to relive the Mau Mau years again, who does he think he is, Shaka Zulu?"