Written by Cornelius P Lynch
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Friday, 20 May 2011

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A lawyer yesterday

An unnamed deity has sued the Bible after a number of the writers purported to reveal the name of the deity who allegedly impregnated the Virgin Mary.

The deity's legal team begun the legal action in the High Court in London yesterday in what is thought to be the first such action against the good book and its writers.

The lawsuit lists the defendants as "the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John". The four individuals are described as those who have actually named the deity as being responsible for the deed.

Previously, in the Old Testament, an unknown person had revealed that the world was created in six days and that the works unit then shirked the seventh day. It was also revealed that one guy had killed his brother and that a father had contemplated sacrificing his son. Such stories are said to have attracted an extra 10,000,000 readers.

The Bible is yet to respond to the allegations and is believed to be consulting with the legal firm Beelzebub, Lucifer and Satan.

Judge Judge (so good we named him twice) said that the Bible was "out of control of the courts as we just think we're God." It is believed that getting a super injunction against the Bible would need several devils, the Whore of Babylon and a good brief.

Judge Judge also said that those who "peddled lies"would lose the support of readers. He doubted that people would really believe the crap about the loaves and the fishes, especially if they had actually been to a Harvester.

The Bible had been accused of coveting its neighbour's ass and of riding into town on said ass. The book exposed a number of people. Judas Iscariot's supper injunction ended up completely worthless. The Word of God appears to be above the law.

Mary Magdelene complained that rumours of her seeking a super injunction to hide having an affair with a charriot fanatic were "a bloody nightmare".

The Bible's editors said "We don't serve spam. It was loaves and fishes. We will not remove any of the Gospels. Last time we removed one we lost the Gospel according to Peter's mum. Never again."

Leading legal expert Teddy Bear said "It will never work. Editorial freedom, the right to speak out, to be heard.... blah..... blah..... blah"

The deity's representatives are yet to release a statement from Hell.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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