Written by churchmouse
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Thursday, 19 May 2011

image for Bonnie Tyler Averts Gas Disaster
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Ever since Russia became concerned over Britain's ability to pay for its natural gas supplies, and installed a large coin operated gas meter at the main gas pipeline landfall at Great Yarmouth, there has been concern over whether the UK's utility companies would be able to cope within a 'non-credit' business arrangement.

At first it appeared that there wouldn't be a problem, as it was thought that there were adequate supplies of one pound coins available from the Great Yarmouth branch of Barkwest bank to cover all foreseeable emergencies.

However, when the owner of the local prophylactic vending machine franchise failed to deposit the days takings due to being 'a bit hung over' one morning, it was found that despite looking in all the drawers, and in all of the old jacket pockets, and down the back of the sofa, the bank was unable to produce enough coinage to keep Britain's gas flowing.

Kevin Smally, Britain's top Coin Gas Meter Feeder realised with some horror that despite using all of the one pound coins that he had been issued with, that Britain's gas meter would lock out just before tea-time.

Fortunately, into the breach stepped gravel voiced Welsh songstress Bonnie Tyler to save the day.

Bonnie explains what happened:

"I had gone into the Gas Showroom in Great Yarmouth to look at their range of gas cookers, as the one I have in my holiday beach hut was getting a bit rusty, what with the sea air and all.

I couldn't decide whether to buy the Stoves Chalet Master 3000, or the Parkinson-Cowen Super Chef XL, and was looking around for an assistant when I came across Mr Smally in a back room. He was obviously very upset, and I could see that he had been crying, so I asked him what was wrong. He told me that they had run out of pound coins for the National Gas Meter, and that he didn't know what to do.

As luck would have it, I tend to save my pound coins up, and store them in a large whiskey bottle next to the chemical toilet in the beach hut. It's always handy to have some change in case it's a hot day and I want to buy an ice-lolly or something. So I said to Mr Smally that I've got some pound coins in the beach hut and that he could borrow them, as long as he paid me back by Thursday as I was getting my hair done then, and I had already made the appointment.

Well, his little face lit up, and he couldn't thank me enough. I've never seen anyone that happy since that evening after we did the 'Stars of the 80's' concert in Anglesey."

Indeed it was not only Kevin Smally who was grateful that Ms Tyler saved the nation from an evening of cold meat sandwiches and salad. A week later the main gas companies agreed that she could have a whopping 15% discount off the gas appliance of her choice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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