Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Police, Gangs

Thursday, 19 May 2011

image for UK Gang Culture 'Not Just Limited To City Slums' Say Police Chief
"PULL!!!" The 'tag' of the new gang culture.

As the UK falls deeper in to despair, gang culture has hit an all time high, with police this week uncovering a huge ring, involving hundreds of members across the country.

Raids took place this week at numerous locations around the British Isles, uncovering huge stockpiles of weaponry, and a syndicate to rival that of the Mafia.

The raids, all taking place in picturesque countryside, from Kent to Norfolk, Oxfordshire to Cornwall, was the result of over two weeks planning by Chief Inspector Harry Nutt.

He told us "we had received various tip-offs that members of this elite gang were meeting weekly, generally through the winter months, but always armed with a frightening array of weaponry. They all try to outdo each other in their displays of wealth, as they would turn up in flash cars, such as Range Rovers and Mercedes, and they would always be dressed in the finest tweeds."

The groups would conduct business over a day, often walking deep in to the countryside, so as to cover their tracks and avoid prying eyes.

Witnesses tell us they were a very unforgiving bunch.

We spoke to a twitcher, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals, "I was out bird watching, when I heard a group of them coming through some brush. I naturally froze, and just stayed in my hide, hoping to god they didn't see me. I watched as they just walked through, shooting everything that moved. Pheasants, grouse, pigeon! One of them even took a shot at a fox, way off in the distance."

"They have no respect for life, none at all!" he finished.

It is unclear who the head of this gang is, or indeed what their aim is, but they certainly send fear through the villages they systematically plunder.

The groups often meet back at one of the gang leaders country piles, where they quaff fine brandy, and talk loudly about how much money they have. They also split the spoils of whatever they have murdered that day.

For gang culture to have crept in to the idyllic realms of the countryside is shocking enough in the first place, but police chiefs believe there is a sinister allegiance occurring between two previously rival gangs.

"After intense surveillance over a long period, we believe there is a close bond between these tooled up thugs and another gang who also meet in the countryside. The other gang, however, meet on horseback, and can often be identified by their gang colours of the distinctive bright red jacket," Nutt told us.

"These criminals often go out with packs of vicious dogs, and tear through the countryside," he continued, "blowing horns and generally causing a nuisance. But we know who they are, they needn't think they'll get away with it for much longer."

"We are coming for them," he finished.

Ross Kemp is to film an episode of his '..On Gangs' series, highlighting this issue. He is said to have gained intimate access to one of the most feared gangs in the country, the West Molland Game Shoot, and he also chats openly to the head of the Old Berkshire Hunt, about their newly perceived allegiance with the shooting community.

Filming begins next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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