Written by j.w.
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Topics: Ken Clarke

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

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Ken Clake's Fan Club

When Justice Minister Ken Clarke ambled into the BBC radio 5 live studio with his alto sax he offered to give listeners some of his best jazz licks.

Modern jazz can have the odd dissonant note, at times it is nothing else, so not everyone was keen on Ken's rendition of 'Empty Bed Blues'.

What might have been par for the course at Ronnie Scott's caused a turmoil on the radio waves.

'Empty Bed Blues!' exclaimed irate housewife Marge Simpson 'I get no blues in my empty bed. I think Ken Clarke has gone too far. This terrible jazz should be outlawed.'

Ken had another gig with BBC 2 Television and gave an impromtu improvisation of a version of 'It Ain't What You Do It's the Way that you do it' which had fewer blue notes, but this did not calm things down.

Then on a trip to Sky Ken chose two tunes that did not help matters: 'Lady Be Good' and 'Hello Dolly'

'Kick him out of the Band' said arch rival Ed Miliband, fumbling with his clarinet 'Ken's improvisations are out of tune.' Even Ken's pals who can find Ken's constant alto sax playing gives them a headache were hard pressed to defend his musicianship.

'I think Ken's funky sounds do not suit the House of Commons' said PM David Cameron 'he's a stalwart of the Band but this musical display, which I suppose I must listen to, could give the whole Band a bad reputation.'

The Daily Mail's jazz critic described Ken's 'wailing' as 'about the sickest sound I have ever heard.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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