Written by Nick Hobbs
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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

image for Anger As Government Suggest Revamp Of Dogging Sites Across The UK
Dogging sites to be revamped, say government weirdo's.

In a move that has angered local citizens the length and breadth of the country, government ministers have put forward plans to revamp over thirty dogging sites across the UK.

Whilst thousands of healthcare, childcare and other high profile services have their budgets cut and face closure, in an attempt for councils to reign in their spending, dogging sites have seen a huge cash injection in many areas.

MP Mary Windbottom, 48, told us "we see the urgent need for these sites to receive a facelift. Many of these so called 'dogging' areas have been neglected, and look unkempt and run down. We feel it is our duty to provide an area of outstanding natural beauty and comfort, for perverts to get an eyeful of people lovemaking!"

The move would include planting herbaceous borders, with beautiful summer flowers complementing the earthy flora and fauna, supplying fancy trellis seating within the bushes, and even electric socket points to enable 'watchers' to make cups of tea, or listen to the radio, whilst waiting for their next fix.

"Who wants to be surrounded by tin cans, cigarette ends, empty beer bottles and a grubby mattress, when peeping through the undergrowth? It's a health and safety nightmare," Windbottom continued.

But opposition is strong. Sally Bedfellow, mother of two, told us "my local daycare is closing due to lack of funding! How can the government justify spending money on perverts, and not on child care? It's bureaucracy gone mad!"

But not everyone is opposed to the plans.

Derek Furtle, editor of 'Dogging Weekly' the spank-pamphlet for those in the trade, told us "it's about time we were recognised as valuable members of the community! Sure, we hang around in bushes, and wait for signals from car drivers. And, yes, we are mostly all boss-eyed and have odd stains about our person, but we are still human! We deserve to lurk in comfort, and in the relative beauty of out natural countryside."

"Even though it's usually too dark to see it, and we'd probably not be paying much attention to it anyway," he finished.

A local poll is to be held to decide the outcome of this hot topic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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