US officials, trawling through the last personal remnants of terror leader Osama Bin Laden at his hideaway in Abbottabad, have made yet more shocking discoveries about the man.
In an un-mailed letter the bearded chief of hate claims he
- Didn't fully understand the rules to baseball
- Missed the last episode of 'Two And A Half Men' with Charlie Sheen
- Had lost faith in his personal aides.
- Had hurt his hand in a gardening incident, and had needed to purchase one of those electric tin-openers.
Bin Laden expert and biographer, Dan Sinclair, told us "the baseball revelation comes as a bit of a surprise, seeing as how he was such an avid fan. But then anyone who really knew him would have guessed it was just a ruse, as he was never really able to hold a fully coherent conversation on the subject. You'd ask him a detailed question, and he'd fob you off with 'the Red Sox are in good form this season', even when they weren't."
Bin Laden was said to be 'deeply upset' at missing Sheen's final episode of the hit comedy show, and was unwilling to listen to reason.
Personal aide Terry Baumquist told us "I kept telling Binny, 'it'll be on again, they always show repeats, it's nothing to worry about,' but he was inconsolable. Just kept moaning to Allah about it not being fair. Still, I guess in hindsight, the repeats are pretty useless to him now!"
The gardening incident is yet to be revealed, but sources close to the terror leader have hinted at a possible self-inflicted injury with a hammer, whilst putting up more razor-wire, to keep out unwanted US military personnel.
The house search continues.