Bournenmouth - The Tories want 'revenge' on the police for the 1993 humiliation of 'pervs' like Prime Monster John Major a police conference heard today.
Delegates were warned that the Conservatives, previously dubbed the nasty/Nazi party, were fooling the public with 'insincere, nihilist, smoke and mirrors, slash and burn policies'.
"And that's just the good bits!" a Police Federation speaker commented as he recalled the damage done by Tory bastards like Jeffrey Archer (perjury), Jonathan Aitken (perjury) and Neil Hamilton (bribery and corruption) etc.
"I could go on!" Sgt Smith said before hinting broadly that the vast majority of the worst so-called 'unsolved' crimes of the 1980s and 90s 'are all Thatcher's doing.'
The old handbag-wielding monster apparently used a private army of hitmen to settle old scores... which she then gagged under the Official Secrets Act.
Assembled delegates were said to be looking forward to a frank discussion with Cabinet Minister Ken Clarke who suggested today that rapists and other serious sex offenders' sentences should be halved in return for US-style plea bargain guilt admissions.
Lord Lucan is still 'missing'.