Written by Morse
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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

image for Local Writer Loses Train of Thought Whilst Writing Headline Now Can't Remember Subject of Story or His Name!
Forensic Computer Expert Tries to Determine name of author found 'commatose!"

A local writer, who must remain nameless because he can't remember who he is, suffered a severe case of writers block whilst only half way through a 6 paragraph headline on a story he was preparing to submit to a well known satire site, on a topic he now can't recall. Either.

The man was discovered sprawled over his computer after neighbors became concerned when he hadn't taken in the milk on the door step for three days, although the man was known to be a bid 'dodgy' and prone to going on the occasional Yogurt Diet which he preferred to cure naturally, and on his own.

Health 'n safety attendants arrived at the scene and soon called in help when the 'victim' proved unresponsive to normal life saving techniques including mouth to mouth resuscitation, and a good sturdy shock from a Taser to the genitals by a Riot Control officer who just happened to be in the neighborhood after a complaint about a cat on top of a clay chimney pot that had climbed up, and couldn't get down.

Miraculously, when one of the investigating officers began to fiddle with the man's computer, a load voice boomed "Congratulations, You've Won," which not only startled everyone present, but seemed to put color in the man's cheeks as he exhaled a great breath of air from his mouth as well as his nether regions, sitting up and asking "so...where was I then...!"

Since the man couldn't remember who he was, what he was writing about, or why, he was taken into protective custody until such time as he could put him self right and sort it all out.

A forensic investigator said it appeared the man was in the process of editing his headline when he blacked out. "Long winded Bastard I'll say that for 'em," said Randy O'Connor, "must have been 600 words. He appeared to be inserting commas willy nilly....my bet is he just became 'commatose'...who knows how long it'll take 'em to come around!"

A search of the man's personal effects located a communication from the editor of a local satire site assuring the writer his 'check was in the mail.' With that in hand a further inquiry identified the site as the TheSpoof.com, with a post office box and cell phone number on the coast of Spain.

Investigators finally tracked down the site's owner, who said despite reading the lengthy headline, he couldn't tell who the silly bloke might be. "They all sound alike these days, "
said editor Mark Lowton.

" By the way," he added before hanging up, " tell the bloke, whoever he is, when he finds out who he is, his points are still being placed in his account based on the direct deposit form he filled out whenever he signed up...bloody pile of 'em by now I bet!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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