Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Topics: Money

Sunday, 15 May 2011

image for Government steps in to solve Nation's 'Fiver Shortage'
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The problem of there being a constant shortage of five pound notes in circulation is finally to be tackled by the government. The problem has been mainly caused by the reluctance of banks to include plenty of five pound notes in the cash withdrawals of customers using the ATM machines.

The government intend to solve the problem by phasing out the current ten pound note. It will be replaced with a perforated 'double fiver'.

The new note, slightly larger than the current 'tenner', will consist of two separate 'fivers' joined together but incorporating a central perforated line allowing people to either cut them apart with scissors or just carefully tear them apart with their hands so as to turn them into two separate fivers.

Announcing the decision to start printing the new double fivers from next month Prime Minister David Cameron explained,

"A big problem with the current fiver is that on average they only remain in circulation for around three months by which time they are so tatty that they have to be replaced. It is my belief that the cost of having to replace them so frequently has been the number one cause of the Nations' debt. Nevertheless we do recognize that the short lifespan of the fiver does help in terms of reducing the health risks that come from handling them through cross contamination.

"I have listened to The Department of Health and Safety and have decided to follow their advice. The new double fivers will be made entirely of plastic. This will significantly lengthen there lifespan, and in addition will make them far more hygienic to handle compared to the fivers being used at present.

"When they become a bit grubby people will be able to simply give them a quick rinse under the tap without making them all soggy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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