Written by Duff
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Sunday, 15 May 2011

image for Harry Potter To be Saddled With £30,000 Debt On Graduation - Shock!
Harry Potter pictured here attending a glitzy showbiz do recently

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is causing a stir in the supernatural world by being the first centre of learning to charge the full £9,000 tuition fees to its students.

Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, told the press, "We're simply putting our best foot forward really. Thanks to Mr Clegg's spineless U-turn we are merely jumping on the bandwagon. If others can get away with it then why not us? It costs a bomb to run this place you know, and if the likes of Colchester and Reading are going to be charging top dollar, then we'd be mad not to wouldn't we? We have our reputation to consider."

A visibly shaken Harry Potter was saying nothing last night while attending a glitzy showbiz do, but a source close to the boy wizard said he was, " A bit hacked off by the whole bloody thing."

Ed Miliband commented, "We knew that this sort of thing was bound to happen. What worries me is that the less well-off wizard and witch orphans, such as Harry, will now have to drop out of Hogwarts and leave the way clear for more well-heeled and evil types like Draco Malfoy and his pals to rule the wizarding roost in the coming years."

J.K. Rowling made the following statement:

"Yeah. I'm pleased with the latest album. It has a sort of cool west coast vibe that's perfect for summer. And no! I'm not going to wear the fucking hat again! It's old news and one of these days I'm gonna burn the sodding thing. Right?"

He then made a dash for his gleaming Rolls Royce, but not before aiming a punch at one of the assembled paparazzi who were trying to get a candid shot of him.

Unconfirmed reports are suggesting that the Wizarding World is organising a demonstration against the fees-hike in London in July, and the Met Police is said to be concerned that Muggles (normal people) may be in danger of being turned into toads and the like if it all kicks off.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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