Written by Cornelius P Lynch
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Saturday, 14 May 2011

image for Boris Johnson To Join The Labour Party
"Boris who?"

Mayor of London Boris Johnson is to join the Labour Party in a bid to distance himself from David Cameron's Conservative Government. Following recent clashes between the two, Johnson has decided that he would stand more chance of being re-elected as Mayor if he were not a Conservative.

Cameron and Johnson are fierce rivals. Their rivalry goes all the way back to Eton. As 13 year-old boys they were used as toast racks by the school's prefects. There was always a battle to see which boy could fit the most crumpets in the crack of their arse. Later, when they had risen to become prefects, the pair competed in the traditional school bully cup. Cameron was victorious, showing a cruel streak which often reappears whenever Nick Clegg is around.

The pair next did battle at Oxford University. The famous debating union was where the two learnt their distinctive public speaking styles. Cameron developed a superior, looking down my nose approach, for Johnson, a bumbling idiot style which has served him well. During their Oxford days they were of course members of the Bullingdon Club. Once again, Cameron proved more successful at exhibiting cruelty. Restaurants were smashed, bedrooms were trashed and all of it paid for by the young, wealthy 'gentlemen' of the 'Buller'.

Who would have guessed that the pair would become the two most powerful politicians in London? Their rivalry is very different from the Blair/Brown contest. Eton, Oxford, the Conservative Party. However, now Johnson is seeking to trump Cameron. His move to the Labour party might appear to be a cynical and slightly desperate bid to retain power. A close insider dismissed these claims. "Boris Johnson is bigger than the Conservative Party. He is a political colosus who will make London great. He has always been a fan of the Labour Party, which is why he joined the Conservatives."

It remains to be seen what Ken Livingstone will have to say on the matter. Former Mayor of London and the Labour Party's original choice, he will be sidelined by the Johnson campaign. One close ally said "Ken's going to be really pissed off about this. He might have to join the Conservative Party"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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