A group of real music fans have vowed to boo pop band Blue off the Eurovision song contest stage. They will do this in protest at the formulaic song Britain has produced for the Eurovision Song Contest.
The real music fans, who call themselves Pierre, Pedro and Jorge said that "The Euro song is not a formulaic phenomena. You can't win it through mathematical reaoning. Its a wild, fun creation full of serendipity and joy. We're horrified and we shall be encouraging everyone else in the crowd to boo, too.".
Blue are said to be taking the threat of boos seriously. They're very frightened of boos. And it is for this reason (and other reasons pertaining to lack of singing ability) that they have never performed live on a stage before and they are said to be very worried.
They are so worried, in fact, that they have enlisted the help of an expert hologram maker. This hologram maker will make a hologram of the boring band Blue and project it onto the Euro Stage, so that the band don't actually have to humiliate themselves in public by singing their own tragically boring song.
But the Real music fans aren't the only ones said to be annoyed at the way Britain's entry for the Euro Song contest was produced. Mathematicians are said to be horrified, too. "Maths is a beautiful exciting thing, this song is not. Its quite easy to calculate their finishing place in the contest. We have calculated its probability of winning as -2. Now, that's a big number in the field of negative probability."
Another mathematician has calculated that the level of boredom created by Blue's boring song will be equal to that generated by a house brick.
The people of Europe are said to be very confused by Britain's choice of singers for the show. They are said to have collectively said. "We don't know them, their song is dull. Why did Britain even bother? Its like they're so bored of trying to win the Euro Song that they've actually given up."
Ireland, on the other hand, are set to sparkle and shine. They are favourites to win at the moment and Europe are looking forward to thanking them by buying their new song that will be released shortly after the show. Its called "My Lovely Horse" By Jed and Ted.
By Katarina Frogpond.