Written by churchmouse
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Topics: Crime, Banks, Theft

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

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Reg Charity #654376

It has been reported that top city banker John Farrington, CEO of Barkwest Bank was brutally robbed of his wallet last month.

Mr Farrington was leaving the main entrance of the bank's city headquarters in order to go to lunch, when he was accosted by an unpleasant looking man who smelt strongly of alcohol and who demanded money from him.

Mr Farrington, fearing that he was in danger from the man's small scruffy dog on a piece of string, immediately handed over his wallet, and the thief then quickly ambled away along the street.

As luck would have it, a police officer then intercepted the man before he had travelled more than 100 yards from the crime scene and arrested him.

The thief, Dave Scabby of no fixed abode was taken to Crumpsall Green police station and held in custody.

Mr Farrington arrived at the police station himself thirty minutes later to reclaim his wallet which he said had contained fifty thousand pounds in untraceable notes.

When the arresting officer pointed out that there had only been a total of three hundred and ten pounds on Scabby's person, Mr Farrington helpfully pointed out that it was possible that the majority of the money could have been hidden or spent at some time during the thief's thirty second getaway along the 100 yards of city pavement, as there was both a newspaper seller and a sandwich bar along the route.

Despite losing such a large sum, Farrington refused to press charges against Scabby as he intended to register the man as a charity once he had obtained a crime number and a copy of his own statement from the police, thereby being able to off-set the missing forty nine thousand, six hundred and ninety pounds against tax as a charity donation.

"It was very frightening being threatened by a hairy man with a carrier bag full of bits and bobs". said Farrington later.

"Dishonest bastards like him should be strung up".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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