The Church today attempted to defend its actions against gay people, after yesterday savagely tearing into them. As one bishop attempted to explain:
"We love gay people. Not in that way, obviously. But they are our brothers and we need to shepherd them into seeing that what they are doing is wrong. The best way to do that is to beat them senseless with heavy objects."
The day of 'gay hatred' is set to go down in history as the bloodiest ever religious battle.
"Those gays chuffing deserved it!" said the Bishop of Brittsol at the time.
However, today the Church revised its actions by saying:
"Really it isn't gay hatred, it was a show of love to our stupid brothers who think they are gay. Hopefully by using tactics that make them bleed (but not anally) we have shown them the way."