Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 11 May 2011

image for Rail Station Picks Up National Award
Not seen at Upper Applethingy for yonks!

A local railway station has won a top award in a prestigious national competition.

Travellers love Upper Appleby-cum-Lower-Diggshollow station so much they voted overwhelmingly to make it Best Local Station in the Our Railway Stations Are Really Nice, Honestly, Awards,

Said local commuter, Damian Tricorn: "They keep the station so clean and tidy - there's no fag ends, packets, plastic bottles, used condoms and other rubbish here.

"And the staff are so polite and helpful, not to mention smart. The announcements are always clear, too - nobody mumbling incoherently into a knackered old Tannoy here!"

And Mrs Thumbelina Moribund added: "You also feel very safe here at night. It's well lit and there's someone in the office until quite late.

"It's a lovely place."

Upper Appleby-cum-Lower-Diggshollow was a victim of the Beeching Axe and was closed in the 1960's, but this has not dimmed the staff's enthusiasm for the station.

Said station master Matt Gloss said: "Well, we provide a service, don't we? If we weren't here the locals would have to get the bus into Gloucester, wouldn't they?"

Asked why he remained open despite the lack of trains, Mr Gloss said: "No, you don't understand... the nearest other station is up at Gloucester. That's a bus ride away for these people!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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