Accident prone local man, Martin Shuttlecock, world famous pillock, renowned for breaking bones (a thumb, anyway) splitting eyebrows, catching blisters, getting sacked from his job for being a stroppy bastard and having an undercarriage like two pounds of pork sausages today informed the press that he'd had "quite a nice day."
For a change.
It is widely believed that Shuttlecock's "nice day" was initiated by spending a little bit of quality time with his long suffering wife, Anne.
With the icing on the cake coming when his beloved home town football team, Manchester United virtually secured a 19th League Championship by beating some blokes from Fulham Broadway 2-1 at Old Trafford.
But he's keeping pretty quiet about the nice day because he's had too much Belgian lemonade and Anne is having a snooze on the sofa.
By way of compromise, he has reportedly donned his pork pie hat.
The one that doesn't fit properly, that Anne bought from a discount store dirt cheap.
"I'm saying nothing," Shuttlecock whispered to reporters through the cat flap in the back door. "I'll talk to you later..."
More when he talks to us later.