Following the furor over recent Millinery Mayhem exhibited at the Royal Wedding, the Queen has announced her disfavor by stripping 'personal protection' from the Princesses of Yuk, Beatrice and Eugenie, an act which is said will hamper their 'pub crawling charity work!"
According to insiders, the act also makes clear, after a prolonged fight, that the "Party Princesses" WILL NOT be following their father Prince Andrew feeding at the trough of taxpayer welfare, but in fact will be forced to stand in a queue begging for handouts and selling themselves to grubby talk show hosts much in the manner of their mother, Sarah Ferguson, who learned the hard way about "toeing' the line!
Andrew had lobbied successfully, until recently, urging that his spawn follow him into the murky 'civil list' where stipends were delivered for performing questionable deeds
of dubious merit in places where good men were rarely seen, mostly for his own aggrandizement.
A recent spate of embarrassing revelations concerning Andrew's shadowy friends, fetes with nasty dictators, tete a tete clandestine meetings, with rumours swirling about the English version of 'Bunga Bunga' parties in discrete locations including ocean going yachts, seems to have turned the tide against "The Duke of Dumb' as he is now being called by well placed Palace Politicians.
Young Eugenie, who bore a startling resemblance to US icon Monica Lewinsky in her
blue dress at the recent wedding bash, is said to be so devastated at the prospect of getting a job, that she has lost 5 pounds in the last week, although friends insist it's a result of laying off the tonic and just drinking straight gin. (hold the ice)
Beatrice, who reportedly suffers from Dyslexia , and may still be afflicted after continuing to put her hat on upside down and backwards, says despite the recent set back in her financial future she will continue her quest for a PhD in Media Studies, and hopes soon to start a blog and personal advice column in one of the many British Tabloids. Tentative title of the column is said to be "Missed Manners', a treatise on "how to deport yourself as a Princess with a full load on."
Prince Andrew is said to be 'distressed' over the news, and has hired a self defense expert to instruct the girls in how to protect themselves should they insist on carrying on in public during the wee hours.
Both pouty Princess are said to be designing their own 'crash helmets' to be worn at a 'jaunty' angle, and working with disgraced former Dior designer John Gallliano on just the right look for elbow and knee pads to protect them during their celebrated Pub Crawls should they 'inadvertently' stumble while attempting to pull up their knickers.
Amy Winehouse said just last night, "These girls are giving alcoholics a bad name. Something must be done!"
Piers Morgan is said to be 'mildly interested' in interviewing the 'Sister Uglies', although interest is said to be waning in the Colonies due to the girls' lack of taste with Katie Couric even jumping on the bandwagon saying, " ....they don't even know how to dress themselves...one lady Ga Ga is enough if you ask me!"
The Queen did authorize additional protection for Kate Middleton, however, after being told about the trials and tribulations of Cinderella. Said a Royal Advisor, "even though Cinderella wound up marrying her Prince, you have to be on your guard when
the Sister Uglies are still about and threatening to run amok....Yuk!"