In an embarrassing revelation, Pippin Middleton, the sister of Kate Middleton who just married Prince William of Whales, is actually the half sister of Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Mackrelmint Ephraim's Daughter Longstocking, who is also known as Pippi Longstocking.
Why anyone would run around with just one longstocking instead of two is completely beyond all of us.
But, thus, this is the case as well as the truth.
Pippin was first enlightened to her real identity when an old sea faring dog showed up on her door step several days after the wedding to give her the news. He told her that her dad, Captain Longstocking, had been married to Pippin's mom and that the two of them conceived two children of which the elder was Pippi and the younger, Pippin. He abandoned his wife shortly after Pippen's birth because he was upset that Pippin's mom refused to wear pigtails and boots and befriend little boys and girls.
It appears that the elder Pippi had no problem with this. Pippi was, actually, just fine and dandy with bringing her favorite little friends, Tommy and Annika, to visit Captain Longstocking at very remote and exotic locations. Most, if not all, of them were in the South Pacific, in places that most scholars would agree, is Thailand. Not so much from scholarly experience but more so from personal experience.
Her dad took Pippi and left Pippen with her mom, and went to exotic places overseas to poke around.
Apparently, while in Thailand, her dad did some smoking that led to some poking into some crack that wasn't quite smack which might have been set up by some surly quack.
All of this ended leading the captain to a cell that most of us would say, is quite like hell.
The sea dog asked Pippin to come to the aid of her dad, and maybe if she could bring along a friend or two, hopefully by the names of Tommy and Annika.
Needless to say, the old seadog is in jail now, waiting trial without any bail.
God only knows where Pippi is now.
Maybe at Victoria Secret's sale, buying a decent pair of longstockings.
But anyway, Mrs. Middleton supports her ex-husband 100 percent.
"We should have our hair put in get pigtails and sail with really weird people to exotic places. I mean, gawwwd! Have any you read any romance novels".