Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: evil, Lancashire, Preston

Saturday, 7 May 2011

image for World's Most Evil Man Tracked Down In Preston Pub
Bob Atkinson's Evil Black Cat

The world's most evil man has finally been tracked down to the lounge bar of a pub close to Preston bus station in Lancashire.

Bob Atkinson, 58, of Preston was spotted by reporters sitting alone and shrouded in evil as he sipped a pint of mild and studied the racing pages of the Daily Mirror, just feet away from other unsuspecting drinkers.

When approached and challenged about being the world's most evil man, evil Bob Atkinson pretended not to notice and buried his head in the paper, pausing only to put circles around selected racehorses scheduled to run at race meetings, using a bookie's biro.

"That's not the world's most evil man!" a fellow customer protested. "That's just Bob Atkinson picking his horses out. Leave him alone!"

At which point, the atmosphere in the bar began to turn palpably evil.

The man working behind the bar became noticeably agitated, demanding that the assembled reporters either buy a drink and a packet of crisps or jolly well clear off.

The air of menace became too much for one cub reporter to bear - so he turned away, clearly in a blind panic and took to his heels.

"You'll never get away with this, Bob Atkinson," one courageous reporter warned. "You're just an evil man. And now the whole world knows it!"

Evil Bob Atkinson then calmly replied:

"Look, I don't know what the heck you're wittering on about. I'm not the world's most evil man at all. You've got it all wrong. I'm just sitting here minding my own business, enjoying a quiet pint and picking some horses for an each way round robin. After I've popped in the bookies, I'll probably treat myself to a nice fish and chips for my tea, and put my feet up for the evening. Now, would you please leave me in peace, and just go away."

Which is easy for him to say, but the press rarely get these things wrong.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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