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Friday, 6 May 2011

image for Vicky Pollard Slammed As Cause For Collapse Of Yes Vote
A voter pictured here voting.

In a sensational development grotesque comedy character, Vicky Pollard, from BBC hit sketch show, Little Britain, has been blamed by Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, as the cause of the Yes campaign being comprehensively thrashed earlier this evening.

Speaking from his luxurious mansion the top toff politician said:

"Obviously I'm bitterly disappointed. We were on-course for winning the referendum until I exposed myself as being a disingenuous, hypocritical, power-hungry shyster. But notwithstanding that, I feel the Yes vote was undermined by Ms. Pollard. Every time she's on TV she says, yeah but no but yeah but no and you can't tell me that sort of thing hasn't confused the electorate."

It was put to Mr Clegg that he was clutching at straws and that Vicky Pollard hasn't been on our screens for quite a few years now. However he refuted the suggestion and said, "What about Gold and Dave? I wasn't born yesterday. You can't get me like that, so yah boo!"

Pollard's creator roly-poly comic, Matt Lucas, denied that he was in the pocket of the 'No' campaign and is adamant that he had nothing to do with the outcome of the vote. He held a press conference earlier today where he stated "Yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but..."

The Prime Minister, David Cameron, was even more smug than normal following the result and made this comment:

"Nick and I are still great chums but of course above all we're colleagues, and now that the people have spoken it's time to move on. The irrefutable fact that we, the Tories, have done Nick up like a kipper, making him look so hopeless and despised by all right-thinking people, gives me no pleasure whatsoever. Yesssss! Get in!"

Mr Clegg, when challenged later about his future in the wake of what has been a disastrous 24 hours for both him and his party, was keeping tight-lipped. He told Sky's Adam Boulton, "Mmmpff fumff mmmm fumpf mumpff"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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