In a national exclusive, The Daily Spurt were there to witness the moment where Kate needed to use the lavatory in her own house on Angelsey.
Some rabble, 28 Photographers, a Judge, a man carrying a fairly weighty Harpoon and 14 armed Police Officers were on stand-by whilst the newly married Royal dropped an egg.
Timed at 9 minutes 14 seconds, experts on placed on stand-by claimed that the texture and rotundness of the expellment was said to be "exemplary".
During the action, many Nosey beakers couldn't believe what they were witnessing, some were overwhelmed and a general disquiet quickly descended the area.
Whilst gabbling, next-door neighbour Terence Hardicker rambled "What is the world coming to. I thought she was a pure death Robot, from the Planet Gary. She has totally proved me wrong in her antics. I am most disappointed."
A press statement from Clarence House stated that Kate Middleton is in the midst of a "dodgy Curry" and her guts are like "a Whippet's legs".
It is believed that Kate's trips to the water closet will be plentiful over the next several days, and the Spurt are pressing for extra "viewing options", including a VIP area to be erected, as well as the toilet being exchanged for a glass version.
It is rumoured that such tickets are already available on auction websites, and some are fetching as much as £12 a minute.