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Wednesday, 4 May 2011

image for Wedding Of The Century Takes Terrible Toll On Royal Watchers
Auntie is in a right tizz over Royal Watchers strike

Sensational news that Royal Correspondents across all networks and all sections of the media are tonight saying that they've "Had enough" in the wake of the Royal Wedding. Sir Findlay Fotheringay- Phipps, Convener and Shop Steward for the National Association or Royal Watchers (ASLEF), issued the following statement.

"Since the wedding on Friday our members have simply gone into meltdown after relaxing at the conclusion of the nuptials. The weeks and months of pointless wittering-on and wild speculation about dresses, guest lists and honeymoon destinations has turned their brains to jelly and I don't think they'll ever get over it. It is therefore with great sadness that they are collectively issuing writs against their employers, and furthermore, as of 6.00pm this evening, they are on an all-out strike.

The news has sent daytime TV show editors reaching for their Prozac like it's going out of fashion, and an ashen-faced Philip Schofield was seen leaving the studios of This Morning in tears. Eamonn Holmes' wife, Ruth Somebody or other, was unavailable for comment, but her spokesman said that she was preparing for tomorrow's show when she has a tricky item about cheese scones to front-up, so couldn't spare the time to talk to the press pack.

But it's an ill wind as they say, for veteran BBC Royal Correspondent, Nicholas Witchell, is said to be delighted by the developments. He told reporters:

"I used to be a serious journalist and news anchor me. Now look at what I'm reduced to! Sidelined and having to talk a load of shite about what is essentially girlie nonsense. I may take this time-out to get my CV sorted and punt it round here and there. I've heard that ITV Meridian region might have a vacancy for their teatime flagship show - so who knows"

Prime Minister, David Cameron, is being given hourly briefings on the crisis and it's understood that he has not ruled out an emergency session of COBRA.

Mr Raj Singh, proprietor of the Bombay Mahal in the High St, added his voice to the debate when he told reporters: "COBRA is not bad with a Korma, but for a really hot curry like a vindaloo, then perhaps diners might wish to consider Kingfisher, or where available, Fosters." He went on to stress that there's free coffee and an After Eight mint for all bills over £50.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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