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Tuesday, 3 May 2011

image for Pakistan offers Royal couple use of recently vacated honeymoon hideway
Discretion 'guaranteed'

The delayed honeymoon of newlyweds the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge may now go ahead immediately after the Pakistani government offered use of a recently vacated high security compound guaranteed to suppress the Royal couples location for an extensive period of clandestine romance, according to a Buckingham Palace spokesman.

The luxury 5-year-old build in Abbottabad, Pakistan, became available at short notice when the worlds most wanted dialysis patient, Osama Bin Laden, was evicted in an unverifiably bloody mess after the success of a covert US Forces operation charged with securing its incumbent President a second term of office.

Palace spokesman Paul Fowley believes the compound to be just the place to ensure the happy couple remain undetected by the prying eyes of a media industry whose collective orifice has been lubricated to excess with the royal wedding being quickly followed by the terrorist chief's passing.

He told reporters, 'We can only offer our sincere thanks to the Pakinstani administration for offering us exclusive use of these wonderful, tried and tested facilities, which are of course normally reserved for those with much more to hide than a fortnights worth of slap and tickle.'

'But if its good enough for the worlds most wanted man to evade the grasp of the worlds most powerful country for the five years he lived there whilst threatening humanities very existence, then we're fairly certain the Duke can get his leg over without finding himself at the mercy of a photographers flashbulb.'

Although the compound has no telephone or internet connection, the Prince will have the full use of a personal courier service should he wish to make contact with the outside world.

'We understand the Pakistani government have also laid on facilities to record audio and visual messages should the prince see fit.'

'Though we doubt he will be as willing as the previous occupant to circulate the kind of recordings he might choose to make with his well fit bit of crumpet.'

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