Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 2 May 2011

image for Queen's wanted Osama's ashes 'to be turned into a diamond for new Crown Jewels'
Jewel In The Crown: Osama Bin Laden's ashes would have formed the fancy yellow diamond centrepiece

Windsor - The cremated remains should have been returned to his mother - to be fashioned into a diamond amulet for the new Crown Imperial.

Today baby pics of him suckling the royal udder are all that's left on the stateroom mantelpiece.

And at her private quarters in Windsor's Rudolf Hess Wing the Queen was said to be inconsolable at 'that horrid' Mr Obama's terminal blitzkrieg.

Bin Laden died on 30 April, the 66th anniversary of HM's own birth Pa's Berlin bunker RIP in a move described by courtiers as a cynical jab at HM's royal merovingian lineage.

Frantic telephone calls to the Admiralty's First Sea Lord confirmed this morning 'there's absolutely no chance' of a Navy sub being despatched to trawl the ocean depths for Bin Laden's coffin.

And certainly no search-and-rescue mission by royal chopper pilot Prince William.

"Silly old coot's gone totally ga-ga," Prince Philip muttered darkly.

"Might have her made into a knuckleduster ring when she pops her clogs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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