Written by Sapphire
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Monday, 2 May 2011

Bridget Jones was seen last night hanging around The Goring Hotel, in Scary Emerald Knickers, with a small Union Jack flag printed on the front of them.

She has a fetish for scary knockers, sorry, knickers and a crush on someone involved in the Royal Family.

Her jealousy raged when she saw film footage of Phillipa (Gorgeous) Middleton hanging on Prince Harry's arm walking down the aisle after Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding.

Sources say, unable to contain herself, she sped down to The Goring Hotel in her Scary Emerald Green Knickers sporting the Union Jack flag.

She broke through security lines at the Goring Hotel, ran through the Reception Room, made a beeline for Prince Harry and promptly began beating him to a pulp with her matching Emerald Handbag, screaming vitriolics, and ending with "Leave Pippa Alone. She's mine all mine!"

Buckingham Palace issued a statement this evening saying Bridget was accompanied from the building in a white jacket in the middle of two swarthy men, bundled into a van and taken to local mental hospital.

We tracked her down at the mental hospital, only to find she had escaped the building minus her ripped scary knickers hanging out the window and a picture of Pippa Middleton on the floor.

Anyone sighting Bridget Jones is asked to phone either police or the mental authorities immediately and told not to approach her as she could be dangerous.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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