Pippa Middleton, sister of Kate Windsor, nee Middleton, physically shuddered when it was suggested that now her big sister had landed a prince, she should go for a prince too, and snaffle Prince Harry.
"Dirty Harry?" she was overheard replying. "I'd rather snog a frog."
A queue of Frenchmen, who put kissing Pippa over a national insult, quickly formed before realising it was a metaphor. Or a simile. Or something.
For his part, it is well known that Harry would hook-up with Pippa in a shot, because she is female. Pippa, it would seem, is more discerning.
"Personally," said Amelia Toffee-Nosed, a close friend of Pippa's, "I don't think Harry is her type at all. For a start he's a redhead, and Pippa has always said that she'd rather get a rash down below than date a redhead, and I know for a fact that's true. I think she got a rash off a redhead and it's put her off. Also, she's not really into all that Hitler Nazi stuff, you know saluting and gassing people for a laugh. So no, I don't think they'll get together."
Prince Harry was snapped by telephoto paparazzi whispering into Pippa's ear, but given the look of distaste on her face afterwards, it's highly unlikely she agreed with what Harry was whispering.
"Harry's a bit of an odd duck," said ex-classmate, Peter Stuck-Upp. "Yah, he'd ask anything with a pulse and a nice arse if they'd like a right royal shag, haha haha. He never had that much success, poor bastard. It's the hair I reckon, I told him to dye it black or something."
Palace insider, Ian Cider, has admitted that the Queen has a desire to see Harry married off quickly, and would favour him marrying Pippa before accidentally generating a possible heir with some totty from Tottenham. "And when the Queen decides something," said Cider, "it is normally made to happen."