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Thursday, 28 April 2011

image for Rowdy Spoof Karoake Night Ends in Arrests Amidst Claims of Inciting Racial Unrest!
Lady Godiva Protesting Oasis Closing & Ban on Free Speech!

Chaos reigned at the New Oasis Bar & Grill last night during the weekly Karoake contest when passer's by were outraged over performances deemed "racist and insensitive' by the slightly inebriated contestants.

The newly formed 'Manchester Sensitivity Squad' armed with truncheons, tazers, pepper spray and bean bag weapons stormed the private club after pushing aside bouncer Father Francis DuBois who attempted to grant them absolution before being placed in restraints.

Entertainment Director P.M. Wortham was perplexed over the invasion, saying that the theme of the program for the evening was "Multi-Culturalism" and was designed to bring divergent cultures together in a night of fun, tongue in cheek humour, and good natured camaraderie.

While hordes of illegal protestors raged outside the club officers declared the building a crime scene, and continue to interview the patrons in an effort to build a case for later prosecution.

Working off a printed program, officers first interviewed the singing bartender trio Skoob, Reddon and Harold Worth who described themselves as a Soprano, an Alto and a Falsetto harmony group. According to fans the group performed a lively rendition of a famous Ray Steven's tune "Ahab the Arab" the 'swinging sheik of the burning sand' to wild applause.

It was a hard act to follow, but expat Monkee Woods wooed the crowd with his version of "Indian Love Song' accompanying himself on a Zither lip syncing the Hindu lyrics.

Visiting spoofer emeritus Bargis Tryhol followed up with "That Old Black Magic" made popular by Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald and a host of other famous crooners which he dedicated to Barack Obama.

Bolivian exile Colonel Juan and his young assistant Juanita on Flamenco guitar did a rousing version of 'The Gay Caballero' featuring a number of bawdy verses that had the crowd cheering for MORE!

The crowd really went wild when Amsterdam bridge dweller "Jo" revived a German drinking song praising British women who were more than adept at satisfying the sexual appetites of travelers from the Fatherland:


Too big, too small,
size does matter, after all.
Zu groß, zu klein,
er könnte etwas größer sein.
Mercedes Benz und Autobahn,
alleine in das Ausland fahren
Reise Reise, Fahrvergnügen
ich will nur Spaß, mich nicht verlieben.

Just a little bit...
Just a little bitch...

You've got a pussy
I have a dick ahh
so what's the problem?
let's do it quick!
So take me now
before it's too late
life is too short, I can't wait!
Take me now! Oh, don't you see?
I can't get laid in Germany!

Too short, to tall
it doesn't matter, one size fits all,
zu groß, zu klein,
der Schlagbaum sollte oben sein!

Schönes Fräulein, Lust auf mehr?
Blitzkrieg mit dem Fleischgewehr!
Schnaps im Kopf, du holde Braut,
steck Bratwurst in dein Sauerkraut.

Just a little bit...
Be my little bitch...

You've got a pussy
I have a dick ahh
so what's the problem
let's do it quick!
So take me now
before it's too late
life is too short
so i can't wait!
Take me now oh don't you see?
I can't get laid in Germany!

Germany! Germany!

Too big, too small
Size does matter, after all
Too big, too small
He could be a bit bigger
Mercedes Benz and autobahn
Driving abroad alone
Journey, journey*, driving pleasure
I just want fun, not to fall in love

Just a little bit…
Just a little bitch…

You've got a pussy
I have a dick**
So what's the problem?
Let's do it quick
So take me now
before it's too late
Life's too short so I can't wait
Take me now oh don't you see
I can't get laid in Germany

(Ed. Note: No one ever said he had taste)

Just as the coppers were rushing the stage a lad from Yorkshire was completing his medley of tunes consisting of "Gypsy Rover" 'Gypsy Eyes" and a Rosemarie Clooney hit, "Come on a my house,come on:

Come on-a my house my house, I'm gonna give you candy
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give a you
Apple a plum and apricot-a too eh
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house I'm gonna give a you
Figs and dates and grapes and cakes eh
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you candy
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you everything

The police later bagged a pair of blue square toed shoes with silver buckles as evidence of gross lack of taste and a crime against nature whilst singing off key.

With the future of the Oasis now in doubt, it has emerged from bankruptcy at least 3 times in the past 18 months due to unpaid bar tabs, council fines, and refusing to recycle
Belgium beer bottles, Editor Mark Lowton said he had no other choice but to institute a
ban, putting the pub off limits, "if by some chance it ever opens again in the face of overwhelming public disgust and outrage."

A writer, identifying herself only as "Lady Godiva' said she would be protesting the ban and continue to appear NUDE riding her pet Moose "Refreed' at the entrance to the iconic tourist attraction HMS Victory at Portsmouth Naval Yard, until such time as "free speech was restored...and you can quote me on that Bucko!"

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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