Written by IainB
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Sunday, 1 May 2011

image for Isle of Wight News - Land speed record in a house
HANDBRAKE!!!!! The Previous World's Fastest House

A family in Ventnor, has unwittingly set the land speed record in a house.

The previous holders, the Robinsons of Francis, Oregon, travelled at twenty-two miles an hour in the back of their house as it was moved from Francis to Peppermill, some thirty-four miles away. This was smashed by the Wiltshires in Ventnor when they were sat around their dining room table last Saturday and the ground under their house collapsed sending the entire house sliding down the cliff towards the beach at Ventnor.

"We thought it was an earthquake," said Cecilia Wiltshire. "We were eating dinner, chicken nuggets and Brussels sprouts, when the entire house started shaking."

The house slid down the cliff reaching a speed of fifty-seven miles per hour. The whole collapse was caught on video allowing the Guinness Book to calculate the maximum speed attained by the house.

"While the whole experience was a little scary," said Julian Wiltshire, "the house finished up in quite a desirable part of Ventnor. We used to be on Albert Street, but now we're down at the bottom of Hambrough Road. Result!"

The house move has increased the value of the Wiltshire's house as they now have a stunning sea view and are only twenty yards from the beach.

"We're thinking of renting the house out as a B&B," said Cecilia. "The local tourist board reckon we could get six hundred quid a week. Not only are we in a prime position, but we're going to call the B&B World's Fastest House, and display the Guinness Book of Records plaque."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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