Several celebrities, we cannot name even in a joke, are being protected up the junction. They are known by many as the Clapham Sextet, because they have been up the junction at least six times.
'It's super up there' said one well known celebrity who is unknown to me 'you can fuck away and your wife thinks you are train spotting. Then I tell some judge that if he gags the media he can have a bit of the action. There's nothing like feeling your way into Clapham Junction for the person who wants to see trains passing into tunnels.'
One footballer who is so well known he has to remain on the wing during matches, can arrange with the linesman (or lineswoman ed) a night out up the junction which he (or she ed) will always remember. They then miss an offside and allow a goal when TV cameras reveal that yet another balls up has occurred on the football field.
Several managers who have been getting anonymous messages from anonymous people for anonymous players are now calling in the police for protection against unknown fears.
Politicians are saying if it so super up the junction they should have a bit on the side as well.