To celebrate the Royal Wedding of whatsisname to whodyamacallit at the church place in London, amongst many companies jumping on the bandwagon, er, producing fine items of memorabilia, the Pound-Doubler group of discount stores have announced a feast of special souvenirs to commemorate the happy event.
Top of the list is a special souvenir toilet seat that plays "God save the Queen" (although admittedly the version by the Sex Pistols) when the user stands up.
Second most popular is a "Bendy Bish" - a doll of the Archbishop of Canterbury, with joints that bend in all directions to demonstrate the flexibility of the church. Although, that having been said, the Archbish is not too sure about the 'joint' connotation, although his official office did admit that he likes a pint of Guinness as well as the next man. Or woman.
Next on the list is a spectacularly tacky yet useful stapler, featuring the bride and bridegroom 'joining together in wedded matrimony and sex" as the user literally joins them together to create a staple in sheets of paper. The late Mary Whitehouse is absolutely aghast and currently said to be spinning in her grave in Hell, (the Anglo-Saxon name for Frinton on Sea).
One of the other very popular items, costing less than a £1, are a pair of Royal Wedding bicycle clips, featuring the bride on the left clip (or maybe it's the right clip) and the groom on the right clip (or maybe it's the left clip). Available in Windsor red, royal blue and virginal white, although the white one is not expected to be a very popular seller.
Away from Pound-Doubler, popular adult entertainment magazine "Playboy" is producing a special video of extremely naked women dancing to songs from Queen. Absolutely nothing to do with the royal wedding, but Playboy felt they should join all the others in making money form 'the big gig', and to be honest, with the exception of perhaps Graham Norton and Sir Elton John who will both be at the wedding anyway, most men like having a good old peek at ladies' private bits and pieces in the privacy of their own Kleenex.