Maidstone, Kent - Tragic human cannonball Max the Manx Crank had been booked to shoot out of a royal wedding cake this Friday reports have revealed.
The 23 year-old was to have performed a Full Monty kind of surprise ejection (sic) based on the late Marilyn Monroe's own JFK cake stunt act.
Palace rumors say he'd been hired by Prince Harry 'as a bit of a laugh' for the starchy nuptial party.
The tragic stuntman may now be replaced by a couple of trained corgis 'who normally perform this sort of thing'.
Frantic last-minute attempts to hire Susan Boyle in a see-thru Marilyn get-up have also been scuppered despite courtiers agreeing she might make a suitable replacement.
Carole Middleton is sick-as-a-parrot.