Written by Craig Dutton
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Topics: Prostitutes, brothel

Monday, 25 April 2011

The two owners of a Birmingham brothel were in Birmingham today, delivering a petition to the city's governing body appealing to stop a middle-class family from purchasing the house next door.

Sergei & Rita Derge, who have ran the brothel close to Edgbaston cricket ground for seven years, first learnt about the planned sale six months ago.

"We run a tight ship here at Third Humpire" said Sergei, queuing at the post office to collect a fortnightly Housing Benefit giro.

"We have a reputation to look after, we can't have posh people coming in with their herbs and their red wine. These walls are wafer thin. Classical music, James Blunt, how's that gonna help a sixty-year old trying to get his first erection in years? It's affecting our way of life"

The couple reached out to the local community for support, and will deliver a petition with 714 signatures from local working girls to the council.

Rita, who still works as Fine Legs, has concerns for her children.

"Charmaine & Bentley get on so well with the girls, we're a real community. For fourteen year-olds, their sexy phone voices are really advanced. These people could bring teenage kids - we don't want our kids exposed to study or having a sense of self-worth.

The couple successfully prevented the opening of an arts centre in the area, arguing "the queue for Greggs would be impeded".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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