London - A motley crew of perverts, pimps, assorted molesters, sheep-shaggers and not-so-closet Nazis will be sitting in the Abbey front row on Friday.
And up to 100 hold hyper-super-dooper injunction gagging orders issued by Mr Justice Omerta in the UK's Royal Caughts of Justice.
"Of course, the biggest nonces will all be in the pews reserved for government figures," the Palace's Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon commented.
"Speak for yourself, ducky!" a Downing Street source replied.
The news comes amid reports that the man who didn't kill Jill Dando is launching an appeal for the reinstatement of his royal wedding pass.
Under AV fair representation rules Barry George Bush should not have been jocked off his Westmonster Abbey pew by a hyper-injunction wielding Cabinet member.
He is now planning to sue for the cost of hurt feelings and the dry cleaning of his morning suit in the official royal wedding Chinese laundry responsible for sanitising Friday's nuptials.
One of Camilla's colostomy bags is still missing.