Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 24 April 2011

image for OMG! Kate's gone vegan!
Pictured here with sister Pippa, the women have both converted to veganism since last year

London - Her lettuce and spinach salad has to be humanely stunned first, of course, before the thinnest smear of dressing sees it fit for eating.

And now that Kate Middleton's legendary diet secret is out the public is being asked: should someone tell William?

Kate the lactose-intolerant militant vegan has lost nearly 30lbs of fat since she gave up meat and dairy.

"Of course, she still shaves her pits, brazils her bikini-line and wears decent tinted moisturiser, like," Vague Magazine's beauty editor said today.

"But all that could change.

"All it would take is a sudden onset of morning sickness and wham! None of the feminine embellishments that these radical separatist vegan nutjobs use to cover-up their veggie-ism stands a chance.

"She could end up looking butch and hairy - like singer KD Lang for instance - by the end of the first trimester.

"It's a disaster in the making."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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